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 OMG! WHAT?! PRIVATE!

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Cerberus

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PostSubject: OMG! WHAT?! PRIVATE!   Sat Nov 06, 2010 3:52 pm

A small black spot in the middle of the air. Probably nothing, maybe just some jackass drawing on air... Wait, that isn't possible. Soon enough, the black vortex grew in size and it seemed like a mouth. Falling from the vortex or Garganta, Hunter let Ryohei's corpse fall first as they landed on the grounds of the Fourth Division. Scratching his head, Hunter farted and realized Ryohei was still dead.

Say what? DOESN'T GARGANTA HAVE HEALING ABILITIES! His experiment had failed. Poor Ryohei. Farting more, he kicked the head of the fourth division goon and said " Five hundred years, my friend. One of us finally kicks the bucket, bites the dust, or something else." laughing it out, he pulled down his pants a little bit and revealed a true piece of manliness.

The urine of Hunter was aimed perfectly at Ryohei's mouth. His eyes were open, but no orbs were in the middle. An effect shinigami seemed to have when dying from having their neck broken. Sighing, Hunter brought his pants back up and said " Who do I piss on next?" having been gone for five hundred years, the light that shone from the sun caused Hunter to disappear in a blur and appear under the shade of a gay tree inside the fourth division grounds. It sure was bitchy as he remembered it.

People ran around Hunter, but more of them gathered around the corpse of Ryohei. He was a famous Fourth Division member, and the old ones knew him. Dude sighed and said " He survived five-hundred years in the Menos Forest, but died once a mosquito bit him. How sad." shaking his head in denial as it seemed, he exposed his muscles and smiled at the girls.

The majority of the Fourth Division were hot chicks, and the men looked like girls. Shrugging at the thought, wearing normal shinigami attire yet possessing such miraculous reiatsu, he released a little and made the guys piss their pants. The girls just drooled and Hunter cast yet another smile at them. Their eyes seemed to turn into hearts as they saw his cool face. Holding back the urge to fart, he released a sigh of relief when it passed.

Now, why the hell did he use a Garganta to come here? Truthfully, it was something Ryohei was working on. As a guy from the Fourth Division, he wasn't really smart, but he was all that Hunter had in that fucking place. No contact with others whatsoever and so, it took him to build a coconut radio and create a device which produced a Garganta. It'd be especially difficult to appear in the Soul Society just like that, and so it took him awhile. Plus, with all those beasties running around, he really didn't have enough time to sleep, or eat properly. That is why they had their appendixes taken out.

Anyways, Ryohei eventually decided it was time, but it was going to be harder than a real Garganta. This Garganta would be falling apart in the inside and one might possibly die from the disruptive Garganta. Power surges everywhere, and explosions was like rain in freaking London. As they were in the middle of traveling, Ryohei got hit by an explosion. Had a gay flash-back and eventually breathed his last breath. Dragging his corpse by his right leg, Hunter managed to get out of their without a scratch cause he was awesome.

He explained it to all the people their and they all said in unison " Seriously?" which caused Hunter to turn red and have the urge to kill them, but he didn't. Taking a breather, it was hard with all those flames and explosions. The power surges made it hard for Hunter to move nevertheless walk. It was like a fucking mine field in there. Dude expected something like that since Ryohei wasn't the brightest of the bunch.


Last edited by Hunter on Sat Nov 06, 2010 5:11 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Tadashii Adachi

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PostSubject: Re: OMG! WHAT?! PRIVATE!   Sat Nov 06, 2010 4:47 pm

A mumble would spread through the cloud, and it would part, though it wouldn't have to, seeing as it is mostly women and gay gay gay gay gay men, The six foot some inches tall Tadashii Adachi, also known as the Sotaicho for the past thousand years, was easily seen above them. As he got to where the man who apparently entered through a garganta stood alone, he'd pass a corpse with piss streaming out of his mouth. Pausing in half step for a second to raise an eyebrow, he'd continue on.

Once standing infront of Hunter, his attire would be strange. Apparently, he is shirtless. His pants appear to be hastily pulled on, the left side hanging below his left hip, indicating that he is free of the constraint of any kind of underwear, manties or otherwise. His Haori was honestly the only part of him that looked put together, sleeveless and with the purple trim that he likes so much, for whatever odd reason. But the fact that he's shirtless, revealing his immensely scarred body, and the muscles which caused about 30 division members to instantly faint on his way to Hunter. His face was a tad red, as was his torso, and there seemed to be a tad of whipped cream on certain places.

His eyes would focus, a bit slowly apparently, upon the man before him, before his left eyebrow would twitch up slightly. Hunter Kaze, Eh? Damn, it's been five hundred years since you and your captain, who's name I can't seem to recall despite perfectly remembering the name of lieutenant, and that other lieutenant who I just saw dead with piss in his mouth, disappeared. Why exactly have you returned via the method of a garganta? And couldn't you have done it at some other time, so as not to make me stop fu...iling paperwork.
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PostSubject: Re: OMG! WHAT?! PRIVATE!   Sat Nov 06, 2010 5:10 pm

The young man suddenly noticed a man with extraordinary reiatsu. Yes, this man was unfortunately the 1st Division Captain. Shaking his head in denial as he realized he still had that cool title, his speech was still the same. Maybe a few more scars here and there, and he was still doing dirty deeds like always. Automatically raising his reiatsu to adjust to the sudden arrival of a huge reiatsu, he said in reply " Heh. Well, I returned using a Garganta cause the cab I called didn't arrive. And I missed my flights, so I had to settle for Garaganta. By the way, why are you shirtless? he just left it at that and smiled and started flexing his muscles.

[ Short post. ]
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PostSubject: Re: OMG! WHAT?! PRIVATE!   Mon Nov 08, 2010 9:12 am

He'd cough a little, his face still somewhat red, as his right hand would rise to scratch the back of his head. He would seem to think for a minute before coming up with an answer.Well you see, when a boy becomes a man his body changes and there are certain manly urges which must be fulfilled occasionally. These urges are, of course, "Filing paperwork". Tadashii would nod after giving this answer, it is of course the right one, right? He would then blink suddenly, before coughing once more.

Wait, wrong conversation, you're not my son! Back to the matter at hand. You just fell out of a garganta, after being in the forest of Menos for 500 years, apparently having escaped via hastily assembled electronics that killed the dead corpse over there. Is that about right?
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PostSubject: Re: OMG! WHAT?! PRIVATE!   Mon Nov 08, 2010 9:18 am

Hunter couldn't help, but laugh a little which he disguised as a cough as he covered his mouth with his left hand. The later words exchanged were back to the matter at hand about he just escaped the Menos Forest. You know, he somewhat missed all those hollows trying to kill him while he was shitting. Of course, because of that, he hadn't showered in about four months seeing as how he could only manage to shower for about a minute using the water he stole from the hollows that had water abilities which they rarely ever have in which case, water was scarce.

Oh, not to mention the girl hollows watched him as he showered and it was starting to get annoying. The young man spoke up and said as he brought his hand back down " Yup, all correct. That device was made by that corpse, and he was killed by his own invention. I am the last survivor of that group, and I am back." nodding along at the end of that, he didn't imagine it could be as simple as that after five-hundred years, but he could deal.

A hell butterfly arrived on the right shoulder of the captain commander. It would be a bit uncomfortable since he was shirtless and it was a bug on his bare skin. Eww. Pointing to the butterfly.
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PostSubject: Re: OMG! WHAT?! PRIVATE!   Mon Nov 08, 2010 10:21 am

He'd listen to hunter explain again. A rather fun explanation. They'd sent a search party after them, managed to find the captain's Haori, and had assumed them eaten. They were all recorded as dead. As Tadashii remembers, Hunter was a promising Lieutenant 500 years ago, perhaps even going to be a captain eventually. Perhaps that eventually is now. He'd yawn, as the butterfly landed on his shoulder, making it wobble a little before he'd turn his head, recieving it's message.

"Well that's a kick in the nuts.". After he said this, Hunter would reply with a simple "What?" At that point, Tadashii would sigh, whispering to the butterfly before sending it off, To summon more and send them to people. He would then look at hunter, a more serious look gracing his face. The Captain of the 9th division, a man you don't know, Tetsuya Shirogane, sent out a hell butterfly with the message that an intruder has blown up part of the S.R.D.I. I just sent out a hell butterfly calling a captain's meeting. You're coming with me to the meeting. Got it? He'd talk with a steady pace, his voice rather strong, before he'd slip back into his earlier voice for one last statement. But first I gotta get my shirt.
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PostSubject: Re: OMG! WHAT?! PRIVATE!   Mon Nov 08, 2010 10:27 am

The old man known as Hunter nodded as he suddenly heard the last statement and laughed. He would follow the man to a captain's meeting and it was rare for someone who isn't a captain to be invited to a captain's meeting. Sure, the lieutenants in the old days listened through the open window which was intentionally left open by one of the good-willed captains which normally died on duty a couple days later.

Looking back at the corpse of his old friend, he wondered if the death he received was flashy enough. Dying in a haywire Garganta was not at all a cool death. After surviving the Menos Forest for five-hundred years, he died from that? So, he deserved being pissed on totally.
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PostSubject: Re: OMG! WHAT?! PRIVATE!   Mon Nov 08, 2010 10:32 am

I'll meet you at the first division. I'm sure you still know how to get around. He'd turn and leave, slapping a few feminine asses on the way back to the building to retrieve his shirt.

-Exit-
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PostSubject: Re: OMG! WHAT?! PRIVATE!   Mon Nov 08, 2010 10:34 am

The young man nodded and disappeared in a blur as he farted which kind of made the sound of his shunpo quiet while the fourth division men squad had to smell the awful fart of the old 10th Division Lieutenant.

- EXIT!!!
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